Trusting Your Daimon or “Inner Voice”

Everyone has a primary struggle or obstacle in their quest to accomplish their goals. Of course, there are many struggles and obstacles in this process from discovering what your goals are to figuring out how to achieve them to gathering the internal courage and determination to see them through. Yet, each of these aspects are secondary to the primary obstacle, which is to knowing if the choices that are made will produce the most favorable results.

During difficult times, individuals seek advice and guidance from friends, family members, professionals, support groups and the like. Yet, all of these “voices” are external to the individual and so speculative. I say speculative because the advice and knowledge are based on another person’s personal and professional experience, which can never match our own experiences and wisdom. There is certainly nothing wrong with seeking guidance, but looking for someone else to tell you what the best answer is can be problematic. It is problematic for the person giving the advice because in doing so he/she must also then take on the burden of the consequences; favorable or not. Plus, when someone tries to think for another, they rob that individual of the opportunity to deepen their faith in their ability to make their own choices and so crippling them on the deepest of levels. Each person has a divine inner-voice or Daimon that is all knowing and who has the “right” answers regardless if that information makes logical sense. It is a distant voice from deep within our core that the Greeks called “Daimon!” It is impossible to trust that divine voice if we make choices based on an outside “voice.”

Respecting Our Daimon

Spiritual emancipation, enlightenment, entrance into the kingdom of God, ultimate happiness and the like are things each of us strive for in our own way. There are those who say that we have to accept ourselves for who we are regardless of what we have or what we achieve, which is of course sound advice. Yet, in the grand scope of things we each have a responsibility to follow our dreams and never give up on those dreams. Never, ever, ever; NEVER! Remember, I did not say “achieve” those dreams. I said follow them and never give up on them. Otherwise, ideas like, “if it was meant to be it will be,” or “what ever happens happens,” can be misunderstood and cause an individual to miss the point. Yes, it is true that we cannot predict an outcome absolutely and so “if it was meant to be it will be.” However, that does not relieve us of our responsibility to continue towards our mission or calling. Make no mistake, each of us has a divine mission and purpose in this life that demands our commitment and focus. And that mission is expressed by our Daimon in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. The challenge with following our Daimon is that it will always urge us in the direction of our fears as the only means of overcoming them. That quiet little voice that exists down into our core will gently coax and lean us towards letting go of what is familiar or what we know to be true so that we can experience our power. A person who fears heights cannot overcome that fear without experiencing heights The notion of relieving a fear without living that fear, at least momentarily, is really the avoidance of that fear. Period.

Trusting our own internally divine companion is the source of our greatest joy, but also the source of our greatest discomfort because such trust can only be achieved by passing through our fear experientially. The Daimon can also be viewed as an individual’s greatest potential that cannot be altered by human tinkering and which is not dependent on our physical or social laws. It’s essence allows for mystery and the “darkness” of possibilities that cannot be known by what is familiar to us intellectually or emotionally. James Hillman, in his book, The Soul’s Code, discusses what he calls the Acorn Theory, which understands that there is a reason that an individual life is here on the planet. Each individual has an innate image of what it must create in the physical world with one’s life and is answerable to that innate image. We are all held accountable to our Soul’s purpose in this life, and if we ignore it, then the result is nothing short of unnecessary suffering. Hillman says that in order to uncover that image or mission, we must set aside the psychological frames that we are used to, those ideas of right and wrong, of what makes “sense” and what doesn’t and step into the imaginative mist that engulfs each of us. We must delve into what Quantum Physics has discovered and labeled the sub-atomic particles that equal pure potentiality and are the source of all creation. Once we get past the social conditioning of our intelligence and enter into the mysteriousness, we can then tap our imagination via those sub-atomic particles and instantly create any person, place or thing. The challenge is that we cannot tap the sub-atomic realm with a doubtful mind and fearful heart. And so the journey of uncovering our destiny that is written into our Acorn is one of continually deepening our faith in that which seems impossible! As I previously said, never stop moving towards your dreams, for it is only in that quest that one can break down the limitations of a dull or limited mind.
The Glory of Dreaming Big!

Dreaming big is necessary for your soul to survive and for you to stay connected to your it. There is no better drug or greater high on the planet than having a dream come true. The more you dream and challenge yourself to stay on course with those dreams the healthier you will become. For those who say that they don’t know what they want to do or that they don’t have any dreams I tell them that they are mistaken. They do know, but from a different place, from their source, Daimon, or soul. All a person needs to do is listen, really listen, and work towards the outcome they seek, and they will discover over time a new found vitality, happiness and energy. And God forbid that someone let’s go of a dream, they must face the harsh reality that they have just committed suicide to a part of themselves. Dreaming of a better life and “going for it” is a requirement of happiness. You cannot be truly happy without it. You might be able to establish a level of contentment, but that is not happiness.

It is important to remember that when you dream big and challenge yourself to overcome your fears and doubts, your life will go through a period of hardship. Be wise and understand that this is part of the process. Just like when someone begins exercising for the first time in years. He/she decided to exercise to feel better, but because the individual was out of shape they had to go through a period of feeling bad before they could feel good. Muscles that are not used to exercise scream out in pain when they are first challenged to become healthy. Yet, it is a scientific fact that if the individual stays the course and keeps exercising, their muscles will get stronger, healthier, and ultimately feel better. The same holds true when you challenge yourself to get out of your “rut” job and open up your own business so that you can become a millionaire instead of a part of the “salaried herd” who make good money but will never achieve wealth where they are in their job.

Please understand that as you break out of the mold, you will find that individuals will try to sabotage you saying that you cannot do it and that you are crazy or something like that. All they are really saying is, “I don’t want you to succeed because if you do, I have to look at my own level of unhappiness.” And many people are too afraid to do that, so they try and bring you back down to their level. Don’t let sour criticism spoil your dream. Hold onto it, and do the best you can to make it come true. Hold onto your dreams even during those the long lonely nights it takes to get where you want to go–and notice each small step of success as you get there. Nurture your dream. Nurture yourself. If you do that, your success is guaranteed. Truly! It is guaranteed if you do that.

Not allowing ourselves to follow our dreams, or even to just dream, can eat away at us, and cause us to become bitter, angry, and self-loathing. But following our dreams brings us a motivation and peacefulness that cannot be fathomed by those who are running from their Daimon’s image. Even when it’s hard, fearful and everything in us wants to give up and we can’t think how we’re going to get there, there is still always something that feels right to us. Deep down at our core, our souls are whispering to our hearts to never give up, forcing us to feel truly and absolutely alive!

Here are some steps to bringing yourself closer to your dreams. Follow these steps and you too can be following your dreams:

1. Claim your dreams. This may take awhile, but don’t rush and have patience.Take time out everyday to listen to your Daimon or “inner-voice.” Listen inside yourself for what you really want, and claim it as a possibility at least. Even if you don’t believe that it can come true, let it live in the realm of possibility and you will find that it will show itself to you

2. Become clear to your negative beliefs that are preventing you from your dreams. Is a part of you afraid of succeeding or becoming really happy? It’s possible that you don’t even think you deserve to have wonderful things happen to you or that people will think you are stupid or unrealistic. Or does the dream seem too grand, too huge, or above your capabilities to handle? All of these thinking habits are illusions that you have to fight through and reprogram within your mind.

3. Writing Out The Steps. Write down your goals and some basic steps that you need to take for them to happen. Don’t worry if the steps are right or the best ones that should be taken, just start taking action. You will find that things will wiggle their way in the right direction.

4. Taking Baby Steps. It’s not necessary to jump into the abyss with your eyes closed. Just begin taking some action, even if it is just one or two things per week. If you commit to these one or two things consistently over time you will find that opportunities will come to you that will require you to do more. You don’t have to figure everything out before hand. Just begin!

6. Stay Clear and Focused. Don’t keep changing your mind! Gandhi talked a lot about the importance of making a vow. That being said, it is possible that what your dreams look like might morph into something that you didn’t expect. For example, you may have had the goal of becoming a high school teacher and during that process was offered a private tutoring job that you loved. Not only did you love it, but the money was better with less work hours. In the end, you were still teaching. Teaching is what you needed to make a vow about.

This newsletter was assisted by the following links:
www.icbs.com
www.sengifted.org/articles_learning
www.pantheon.org

Obstacles Are The Source of Success

It might seem odd to suggest that obstacles are the source of success versus failure. But it is true. Whenever obstacles present themselves during the process of manifesting our goals, they should be viewed with appreciation. They should also spark hope, deeper determination, and inner-drive. So often in today’s society, we allow this wonderful source of inspiration (obstacles) to deter us because we view them as failures. A better understanding of what failure is will allow this new perspective regarding obstacles to begin to rise within our consciousness and help us embrace and welcome obstacles.

Failure Is An Illusion

I was teaching at New York University recently and during my Interviewing Strategies class, I mentioned that failure was an illusion. Naturally, my comment sparked quite a spirited dialogue and it turned out that none of my students agreed with my point of view. As we discussed it further, I said that failure is a term that usually is viewed in an absolute way, a way that would signify a complete end or loss. If you look at the various ways the word is defined, it becomes evident that it does not always signify a complete end. I have listed six ways the word “failure” is defined below that I got from my “Word-Dictionary” that I use with my computer.

1.A lack of success in something, or an unsuccessful attempt at doing something

2. Something that falls short of what is required or expected

3. Somebody who or something that is unsuccessful

4. A breakdown or decline in the performance of something, or an occasion when something stops working or stops working adequately

5. Inadequate growth, development, or production of something

Each of the definitions above uses words that either imply an end or a temporary end. I would say that the the words that imply a temporary end are more accurate and based in reality. Things don’t necessarily end, if we choose to never give up. The important thing is to view them as temporary setbacks versus absolute failures. Unfortunately, it is easy to fall into an absolute way of thinking that can only result in an end instead of a momentary set-back. During the discussion with my students at New York University I asked them if they thought Gandhi failed in what he wanted to achieve. Surprisingly, to me anyway, most of them said that he had failed. When I asked them why, one student said with passion, “he was assassinated.” Once the class quieted down, I reminded them that living was not Gandhi’s ultimate goal and that he had in fact achieved his goal of helping his country achieve its independence. In the end my students saw my point. Certainly, I am not suggesting that we need to risk our lives to make our goals happen, but it is an undeniable fact that risk is necessary in order to win big. This brings us to my initial point, that obstacles should be a source of inspiration and hope. For when we risk, we are inviting obstacles, which prove that we are on the right track. Let me explain further.

Obstacles Are the Source of Hope

Much of my work with clients entails assisting them in developing a better relationship with the challenges that occur as they engage in the transformative nature of choosing exactly what they wish to be professionally and personally. In an effort to explain what I mean by this I use exercise as an educational tool. When people begin to exercise it is usually to feel better, yet when they first begin, they feel worse. Their muscles are not used to being challenged in this new way and the result is pain or “obstacles” to their ultimate goal of feeling better. So, in order to feel better, they must first feel worse. The same holds true when we strive to have a better job, romantic relationship, or to make more money. If you pay attention, you will see a pattern in the occurrences that surround your goal, whether that goal is about money, love, or friendship. We will discover that we have been repeating similar situations if not the same ones over and over. Paying attention to the patterns are very important as they will allow you to see the choices that are not working for you, which is the first step to figuring out better choices. It can be very difficult to recognize the choices that are getting in our way, which is where I as an outside consultant come in. As an outside party I am able to help individuals identify those things that either they are not able to see or are unwilling to admit. I have listed below what I believe to be the elements of creating fundamental change.

1. Decide to make the change and commit to it no matter what happens.

2. Acknowledge the negative pattern and how you created that negativity by identifying the choices you made that were not the most valuable.

3. Begin to make better choices WITHOUT blaming or shaming anyone else, including yourself! And remember, a new girlfriend or new job will not make things better. You will just attract the same or similar situation. You must make the change from the inside out, not the outside in.

4. Have a perspective that decides to make your current situation better versus get a new situation. Wanting a new situation puts the blame on the outside versus allowing you to take responsibility for how you created the negativity that you are faced with.

5. Understand that you can’t make someone change, but that your job is to truly be a source of inspiration for that change until you have exhausted all possibilities. This is tricky as it is easy to just give up. Yet, if you listen to your heart and not your head, you’ll know when to let it go and move FORWARD by looking for a new job or relationship. But only after you have exhausted all possibilities and given the old situation a legitimate chance to get better.

6. Finally, remember that things will get worse before they get better. Just like the exercise analogy that I discussed above. Welcome these obstacles as the source of your success!

Create A Healthy Competitiveness!

A competitive nature is as necessary to human wellness as is food, sleep & exercise. It is the driving force that challenges us to generate the power necessary to meet our intrinsic needs. It cannot be denied that without some level of internal competitive drive, our very survival would be at risk.

The idea of harmony co-existing with competitiveness seems to be the ultimate contradiction. Yet, a healthy level of competitiveness is the very thing that drives an individual to achieve greatness. At the same time, an unhealthy level of competitiveness spawns destruction and conflict, which allows for only minimal short-term gains. Learning how to support and encourage each other while competing for the same or similar goals allows for greater rewards in the long run.

Prestige & Competitiveness:

Prestige can be defined as, “the kind of honor, awe, or high opinion that is inspired by a high-ranking, influential, or successful person or product.” Most people achieve some level of satisfaction or disappointment from changes in their success rate (prestige). Higher levels of success will result in higher levels of prestige, while lower levels of success result in a decline in prestige. How an individual responds to a decline in prestige may vary considerably; from withdrawal and a lack of motivation to increased motivation and more actions taken to rebound from the perceived decline. Conversely, individuals may respond to increased prestige in various ways, from a humble attitude or an arrogant sense-of-self. Interestingly, both increases or decreases in prestige have the potential to generate higher levels of aggression. It is here that I make the connection to how prestige can affect the competitive nature of individuals.

A competitive nature and the idea of prestige in and of themselves are glorious human traits that become “unhealthy” when individuals add the aggressive trait to it. Unhealthy competitiveness results from an excessive concern with one’s status within the groups (e.g., family, work, athletics, etc.) that a person is in relationship with. Prestige then manifests itself as an over-sense of importance and the need to separate oneself from others in an effort to feel superior. When this happens, group cohesiveness and support declines due to an over-emphasis on personal gain that can deter individual’s from seeing the big picture. A decline in “big-picture” thinking results in desperate behavior and a “win-at-all-costs” perspective; causing one to forget that excessive immediate gains won’t necessarily continue over time. Sometime down the road, the inevitable result is a “crash” in success and so prestige, which causes the cycle of desperateness to repeat itself. And so you have a series of expensive gains and excessive losses with very little stable growth. And it is stable growth that should be insisted upon; the bi-product of healthy competitiveness.

The causal elements that influence the human need to have status are many and difficult to pinpoint. Yet, there are four very basic causal points that are worth mentioning to help us succeed in our quest for healthy competitiveness. The first could be defined as the basic characteristics of the person or the innate tendency/drive that all humans have to better themselves and their circumstances. Each person has different levels of this drive that effect how they go about creating more for themselves and others. The second could be defined as the values of others who grant prestige. By “others” I mean the social beliefs of society and its participants; e.g. parents, governmental policy, religious beliefs, social norms, etc. The third could be defined as the considerations that are reflected upon prior to the efforts that are made to affect prestige. The fourth could be defined as the actual choices that are chosen following the reflective process. These four points must be challenged and deeply understood to ensure that competitiveness is put in check and balanced so as to create the most beneficial long-term effects. The bottom line is that an obsession with prestige is costly and leads to rigidity and an unaccommodating nature. To off-set the negative outcomes of this obsession, a ‘checks and balances’ system much be implemented. First and foremost, such a system would include teaching individuals how to understand the negative tendencies of their thinking and how to make more valuable choices based on this reflective process. Once this is done, a collective consensus on how to prevent unhealthy competitiveness should be decided upon and outlined in detail. This is the easiest part; the difficulty is assisting individuals to obtain a deep inner resolve to implement consistently the approved upon choices. Also, when each player has a say in determining the rules, they feel more connected to them and will find it be easier to follow them.

Violence & Competition:

When violence becomes a part of competitiveness between individuals and groups, it usually results from a lack of rationality among the players or the inability of the players to observe the determined rules. There are many ways to prevent competition from becoming violent.

1. Increased Number of Contests: If losing one contest means losing them all, violence is more likely to occur. When there are numerous contests available for the “ego” to involve itself with, then the emotional (prestige) investments are reduced because there isn’t just one chance to win. The contestant knows that there are a number of opportunities to win and do not develop a “scarcity” or “desperate” inner state. Only an ego-mind with its arrogant and narcissistic tendencies would need to have just one winner. And so our understanding of competitiveness needs to shift from “outcome-based” to a “process/development” model. If I might use a cliche, “It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you played the game.”

2. Ranking of Contests: It is important that no one contest be considered the most important and all the others marginal. This will likely lead to some victories for most people involved, which also makes the loss of other contests easier to swallow. The idea of there being only one winner and one loser is eliminated, allowing for the “losers” to more often enjoy the success of others. In addition, points should be give for how well the contest is played. Are the individuals involved fair, respectful, supportive, etc. Thus, in this type of contest, a person or team who has the lower amount of “points” could still win the game. And so the one-dimensional element of a win/lose contest almost seems laughable.

3. Range of Victory: Needing to win every single race also doesn’t bode well for non-violent competition. Even if there are numerous contests to win, individuals need to challenge themselves to resist the “total victory” urge. A need to be victorious every time and the desire to obtain a total status advantage signifies a disrespect of others’ capabilities or an unwillingness to acknowledge the potential existence of other “winners” or “power houses.” This also prevents individuals from gaining mutual-respect for those that they are up against. And it is with mutual respect that a person’s humanistic nature can flourish. Where is it written that you can’t deeply be connected to and care about those that you are up against. Yet, this would seem to be a very foreign concept in today’s society. Finally, a heart-felt respect for your competitors fosters a humble attitude and eliminates the need to feel important.

4. Rethinking Time: Every leader must encourage her/his players to always remember that they will get another chance to redeem themselves if they were not on the receiving end of a victorious competition. This also enables the “losers” to take it with some pride and hopefulness. This correlates to the need for many potential victories; time offers new chances and potentials for success. Losing in one area can always be turned into a victory at another time. This also reduces the psychological investment of a particular contest. Without this type of perspective, the opponents success could seem to threaten the very existence of the other side. To be competitive, there needs to be a high level of specialization, consistent successes, and the exploitation of all available resources. And what happens when all the available resources have been exhausted and the outcome is still less than desired. You wait for the next time you’ll get to compete.

As you can see, competition has many levels and affects individuals in many different ways. It is ultimately about increasing the fortune of people in terms of income, standard of living and quality of life. All of these things are threatened when a healthy level of competitiveness is not present. Understanding that there must always be an abundant of opportunities to succeed for everyone is the first step to creating harmony within the confines of competition. Finally, a balance of the four value systems (hard work, wealth, social participation, & self achievement) will prevent aggression from reeling it’s ugly head while we engage in our contests and pursuits!

Information from this newsletter were assisted by two articles:
“International Prestige, Competition and Peaceful Coexistence,” Amitai Etzioni
“Competitiveness of Nations: The Fundementals,” Stephane Garelli

MindFul vs. MindLess Thinking

Last month we discussed the most common thinking habit, which we defined as defensive routines or defensiveness. By understanding the various types of Defensive Routines that we discussed, individuals are able to get a better grasp on how they create division with those (and things!) that they interact with daily. Consequentially, they are able to generate more harmonious experiences from moment to moment. I would like to again stress that gaining an intellectual understanding of the defensive routines does not equal eliminating them within ones total behavior. It is through trial and error over an extended period of time with the help of a professional within the field of behavioral management that they are put in check.

By learning to develop new ways of thinking that match the challenges of the 21st century, we can begin to make wiser choices that create value for both ourselves and others. I have taken 10 thinking habits as identified by Capella University’s new Bachelor of Science degree program and professional certificate programs in information technology that are necessary for optimal development within our personal and professional lives and discussed them from my point of view.

Types of Thinking Habits

Complementary Thinking: The ability to weave various points of view into an interconnected web of understanding. Individuals are able to understand how conflicting meanings can compliment each other and so exist simultaneously (Polar-Opposite Complementary), how to create multiple perspectives from concepts that do not conflict but are similar in content (Multi-Perspective Complimentary), and how to establish new meanings and discoveries by competently using such “complementaries” (Complementary meaning Making).

Connected Seeing: The ability to sea one’s reality as a whole, seamlessly connected, interactive and dynamic web or system. Each of us has a relationship with our environment, and when we can see this relationship as an interconnected whole our understanding of this experience will be a valuable one (Seeing Relationships). This understanding allows for individuals to make and find significant meaning within their lives (Seeing Significance), which by default results in high levels of motivation and joy. The final piece of this thinking habit is the ability to make connections and see relevance across and within various knowledge systems (Seeing Across Disciplines).

Collaborative Teamwork: The ability to work within a team setting to achieve a common purpose through the integration of personal initiative and group cohesiveness. Individuals with this type of thinking proactively search for acreative ways to attack various challenges (Creativity in Collaboration), find ways to communicate in a teamwork style that promotes trust and mutuality (Collaborative Dialogue), and are able to exercise responsibility regarding initiative and cooperation while fulfilling their individual and group commitments (Collaborative Responsibility).

Constructing Meaning: The ability to construct meaning by acquiring and streamlining diverse knowledge systems to deepen overall understanding. In this case, individuals actively obtain and analyze relevant and explicit knowledge (Acquiring Explicit Knowledge). Upon which they determine the relevancy of such knowledge through interviewing techniques, experiential analysis and introspection (Accessing Tacit Knowledge). Finally, they creatively integrate the body of knowledge by combining their explicit and implicit elements (Synthesis of Whole Knowledge).

Conceptual Clarity: The ability to think clearly regarding conceptual data and make sense of and distinguish among the known and unknown in order to establish fundamental clarity of concepts. Individuals are able to express the implications of relevant concepts clearly in writing (Clarity of Concept), uncover the rationale of concepts by incorporating relevant experiences to the existing principles (Clarity of Rationale), and balance the “reason” capabilities of mind, heart and imagination as the “go-through” for establishing wholeness of conceptual thinking (Clarity of Wholeness).

Communicating Effectively: The ability to create new understandings, new possibilities and new realities through effective communication within teams. This thinking habit allows individuals to recognize and use the influences of both descriptive and metaphorical language on their perception, thought and action (Language Awareness), which also enables them to generate leadership language that can be seen in the way they put their words together or by how they determine their word choice, metaphor, image and other language capabilities (Language Leadership). They can also use the unique power and quality of hypermedia (sound & video) to enhance and transform professional communications (Hypermedia Languaging).

Courageous Action: The ability to establish meaning in the face of ambiguous experience and take courageous action while in the midst of uncertainty. Many situations in our personal and professional lives require that we be able to recognize the relevance, occurrence and significance of ambiguity (Ambiguity Awareness), while simultaneously establishing meaning within those scenarios to create a reality through sense making, action and creating theories (Enactment of Reality). Emotional resilience and recognizing the courage needed to be committed, accept responsibility and continue to take action as essential to creating value in the face of uncertainty (Courage of Commitment).

Caring Empathy: The ability to care for, identify with, and honor others, while striving to understand differing points of view. All there is, in the physical realm, is difference, which requires the ability seek mutual understanding and the capacity to view the polar-opposites of “self-other” as complimentary (Self-Other Unity). This is enhanced by honoring the dignity and legitimacy of each individual’s stake in their proposed ideals by seeing and feeling IN their world views (Stakeholder Perspective). Of course, the integration of mind, heart, and imagination to inform empathy and ethics in relationships and actions is required for empathy to actually exist (Intellectual and Emotional Maturity).

Conversational Reflection: The ability to reflect on the experience of professional practice by engaging in learning conversations. An extremely valuable quality is the ability to always and INITIALLY be open to believing in potentiality and possibility by striving to learn from new ideas, experiences, developments and challenges (Believing). The next step (SECONDLY) is to be open to doubting new encounters only after one has EXHAUSTED all the possibilities learned from believing (Doubting). Finally, individuals can now write a new story of meaning once they have reflected on the previous two steps (believing and doubting).

Continuous Learning: The ability to view every experience as an opportunity for continuous learning. These individuals are able to learn from “failure” by courageously facing failure and understanding it as an unexpected gift to enhance learning (Learning in Failure). Conversely, these individuals are also able to learn from their successes and to see them with humility and as another unexpected learning experience (Learning in Success). Finally, individuals with this thinking habit are intentional in their drive to learn by planning formal and informal learning experiences with the awareness that such learning will only enhance them personally and professionally.

Eudaimonia (Happiness)

As stated above, eudaimonia is often translated from ancient Greek as happiness or flourishing and sometimes well-being. And here-in lies the ultimate goal of Bricolage Consulting, to enable each individual to determine for themselves such a state during the job or career search and beyond. No one can tell another if they are happy because it is something that is found ‘within.’ My clients and I work together to gently break down their thinking so as to uncover any self-deceptive ideas that might get in the way of them discovering their professional interests and potential. And it is through this process that a lasting happiness is created versus the fleeting kind that is found when someone obtains a material possession. We are of course talking about a type of happiness that goes beyond feeling happy, and is found in a deep understanding of what it means to know who we are and what we are here to do. That can only come from discovering one’s mission. It is easy to associate mission to historical figures like Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, and Ida B. Wells. Each of us has our own unique mission, which is just as necessary and important to the overall make-up of this country. When each individual is able to bridge the gap between virtue ethics and eudaimonia as stated above, then the mass consciousness of the planet is a little bit lighter!

Reference

Phronesis (Practical Wisdom)

When discussing moral behavior, it is worth noting that some “virtues” can be faults if they are not balanced by wisdom. An individual may be honest, generous, or respectful, but if they do so “to-a-fault,” then potential hardships could result. A compassionate person might tell a lie in an effort to not hurt someone’s feelings. Yet in doing so, they relieve themselves of the virtuous quality because a lie is still a lie. And it is difficult to achieve high levels of human improvement internally and externally if we are not able to be brutally honest. When this type of situation presents itself with a client, I very carefully teach them how to say things compassionately while never altering the truth of what needs to be said. This is known as paralanguage, which can be defined as, “it’s not what you say, but how you say it.” The work I do is to create sound human relationships while going for our dreams. If all we wanted was to achieve our goals without also creating loving relationships, we would be missing the whole point of why we do anything. Whether an individual is willing to admit it or not, we are here to create loving relationships first and to fulfill our goals or desires second. Actually, practical wisdom, as I see it, is the process of fulfilling our goals and dreams as the springboard to better relationships. It is through “going-for-it,” that we learn about who we are as virtuous beings. We find out our levels of courage, compassion, empathy, faith, love, etc. by challenging ourselves to be all that we wish to be. Otherwise, we are left with gaps in these areas based on deep resentment that are often the result of choosing to be victims in regards to who we choose to be. It is far easier to blame our inability to do what we want on a situation, circumstance or persons than to take ownership of our plot in life. When I say “take ownership,” I am not trivializing how people, situations or circumstances have influenced (not caused) our plot in life. Yet, this simple distinction, between influence and cause, is the key to transforming these things for our benefit. If a client says “it” caused their negative situation, then he/she is left powerless because an outside force has the control. In seeing things from an influential standpoint, we are able to create a sense of fulfillment, growth, well-being and happiness (Eudaimonia) during the job search as well as other areas of our lives.

Reference

Arete (Virtue)

Arete can be defined as excellence or virtue and is indeed a character trait that most of us try to embody. It is important to distinguish between a person who is habitually honest because someone told her/him to do so (mindless) and a person who is honest because it is within him/her to do so or because they chose to do so on their own (mindful). Only the latter can truly be viewed as embodying virtue. Those who mindlessly do virtuous acts have a “single-track” disposition to do “good” actions for certain reasons and are characterized as self-righteous; they do good to be good versus do good because it is the thing to do. They are selfish in their intent! They also often end up begrudging the choice and hold resentment regarding the action, whether they are aware of it or not. Mindfully virtuous people have a “multi-track” disposition and are concerned with various aspects that influence and are connected to their actions (i.e. emotions, emotional reactions, desires, values, perceptions, attitudes, interests, expectations and sensibilities). In essence, mindfully virtuous people strive to aligne their emotional state with their reasons for doing something. I must point out that this is far easier said than done, and requires gentle courage and determination. That’s where I come in, being the sounding board for more overall clarity. Thus, a fully virtuous person has a high level of practical wisdom (phronesis).

Reference

Food For Thought

Be ware of the “3 W’s”: Wanting, Waiting & Wondering.

• Wanting: Our job is to meet our needs without alteration or altercation. That being said, if we are in a state of wanting, then we are not engaged in the creative development of that desire. It is far more “actual” to choose something then want it. When we are “in want,” then we are separated from doing, while when we choose something we are doing it!

• Waiting: Don’t ever wait! When we wait, we are stagnant and so, again, separated from the doing. And it is only through doing that things become manifest. Doing occurs in three ways: how we think about something, what we say about it and how we behave in regards to it. Thus, if you feel you have exhausted all your behavioral choices like updating your resume, doing follow-up letters and the like, then challenge your thinking to stay hopeful and positive.

• Wondering: When I ask my clients about their career dreams, they inevitable embark on a long-winded query about whether they should or shouldn’t be doing their current job and career choice. I then have to remind them that whether they should or shouldn’t do something has nothing to do with a sort of deeper meaning unbeknownst to them. Their potential career choices are limitless and that choice is up to them; all they have to do is choose it.

The process of uncovering which career choices best suit us begins with understanding the skills we have and which ones we want to highlight.